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episode three - reservoir bitches Our episode opens at the aptly named Reservoir cafe, located alongside Edgbaston Reservoir, in downtown Birmingham. It was Wednesday morning, early. A dozen or so customers were eating breakfast and drinking coffee. Sitting around a table near the window were a group of eight women dressed in black suits and black ties, they were Miss Indigo, Miss Turquoise, Miss Mauve, Miss Violet, Miss Scarlet, Miss Cyan, Nice Girl Peggy and her father (their boss) Big Billy-Ray. They chewed on burnt toast and talked about nothing in particular... “I still say the F***** songs about fat people, what else could it be about for Christ sake”, said Miss Violet. “Na that’s where ya wrong. See, its to obvious to be about that, the whole songs a blatant metaphor for how F***** up this countries education system has become. You’ve only gotta listen to the words to figure that out”, said Miss Mauve. “Words. What F****** words, there ain’t none. It’s just some demented guy saying blobby blobby blobby, over and over”, said Miss Turquoise. “Exactly. You gotta be pretty thick to like that shit, and didn’t this song get to number one in the charts.” “Song, B******* to that, how can you call that crap a song”, said Miss Indigo. “Now, something like Take A Chance On Me by Abba, or Close To You by the Carpenters, now there F***** songs.” Everyone nodded in agreement. “Not some stupid F*** dressed in a pink costume calling himself Mr. Blobby.” There was a short pause in the conversation in which Miss Violet gazed out of the Cafe window that looked directly out at the reservoir. She observed in astonishment as two figures fell out of the sky and into the water with an almighty splash. She closed her eyes, shook her head and examined the reservoir again. Everything appeared normal. She muttered something about getting her eyes tested and turned from the window. “You know what I think”, announced the youngest woman, Nice Girl Peggy “I think this Mr. Blobby is some government minister who gets his kicks outta dressing up in pink rubber, and one day the zip on the costume broke, and now he’s F***** trapped in the thing.” They all laughed. “Hey I like this girl, she’s pretty funny”, said Miss Indigo tapping Nice Girl Peggy on the shoulder. “I still say the songs got some deeper meaning. Like maybe, every time its played some subconscious message gets planted in our mind, you know?” said Miss Violet. “Yeah, like how F***** shitty it is!!”, added Big Billy-Ray. A which point a waiter approached the table. “Can I get you girls anything else?” “Thanks but no, were just leavin’. Miss Indigo paid the waiter. “Hey you girls, cough up, were splitin.” Everyone threw a pound on the table. Except Miss Cyan. “Hey what’s a matter with you, got no respect or what?” “I don’t believe in tipping waiters, that’s all.” |
