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SPIKE: No I think your both mistaken, he was crouched behind that cardboard statue of himself looking at that blamonge replica of us telling him where he is. GRAMS: Harry, Peter and Spike arguing where Wallace is. Gradually speeded up. WALLACE: STOP!!! Look, can we just get on please. Now ACT ONE of The Great Oxygen Shortage of 1994, A womans work is never done. Especially if there’s a man doing it.
JIM SPRIGGS: Dear listener Jeem, we travel now, by clockwork carrier ORCHESTRA: Home Sweet Home (Out of tune). GRAMS: Sound of Hoover over Neddie singing. SEAGOON: Arrrr that’s better, my floors clean again, yes it’s true what they say: a mans home is his castle. It’s just a pity I don’t live in a castle. All I have are these four walls. It’s a strange place really, no roof, no doors or windows. In fact now that I think about it I’m trapped. A prisioner of my own home. HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!!! FX: Knocking on wall. SEAGOON: I’m saved, there’s someone at the wall. Hello there. GRYTPYPE: (Off mike - shouting) MORIARTY, drop the demolition ball, I do belive this man is trapped. FX: Almighty crash as wall is demolished. SEAGOON: (Slight pause) HORRAY!!! I’m saved. Free at last. But wait, look at my floor, it’s covered in dirt again. This won’t do I’ll have to hoover it again. GRAMS: Hoover. (Winds down and explodes) SEAGOON: Damn, It’s supposed to clean mess not make it. GRYTPYPE: I say, can we be of some assistance. SEAGOON: I saw before me two highly questionable fellows, clad in nothing more than the clothes they were wearing. One of them carrying a large sign which read... ORCHESTRA: Russian dancing music. SEAGOON: Quite ingenious. GRYTPYPE: We know. Now could you please direct us toward your meter. SEAGOON: My meter? GRYTPYPE: Yes we wish to read it. SEAGOON: Oh you don’t want to do that. GRYTPYPE: Why? SEAGOON: Well, it’s plots terrible, the charactors are one dimentional and it’s far two long. Not unlike this show (laughs). |
